Archive for November, 2008

Thankful

November 27, 2008

Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday – we plan to!  :)   I have a GIRL for the holiday season this year – wooohooo.  Hit some pre-black Friday sales today and got some cute stuff at Pumpkin Patch and Children’s Place.  I love tights – striped and polka dots especially.  Got some cute pairs for Tori.

Went to see Twighlight with Jodi and Aimee this week.  Totally fun girls night out.  I really liked the movie and it made me anxious to re-read the series again BUT…..books are always WAAAAYYYYY better than movies.  They did a good job packing a lot of scenes into the movie but I thought it made it pretty choppy by doing that.  I think the casting was pretty good for the most part but not stellar.  I wasn’t a big fan of Edward in the beginning but the actor won me over by the end.  The thing with this movie in particular though is that the book is heavily centered on dialogue and emotion.  You really really KNOW the characters.  That is just impossible to portray in the same fashion in a two hour movie.  SO if you go see the movie and you like it – READ THE BOOK!!!  I just bought Brisinger to read on our trip.  It’s the third in the Christopher Paolini Eragon series.  Another example of a book that is tons better than the movie…TONS.  Though, in this case, I liked the movie enough to search out the book after the fact.  What is more fun?  Reading first than watching or watching then reading?  Not sure I have an opinion on that.  :)   Surprising isn’t it?  LOL.  Me?  Running short on opinion?  I must be coming down with something.  ;)

P.S.  The sleep through the night trial in her crib only lasted about 30 minutes. Since she has a cold, I decided to wait.

Stuck

November 26, 2008

Tanner called me yesterday saying “Mommy!  Tori is stuck!”.  She is such a monkey.  She climbs up on and into everything.  She may not actually have been stuck either – can’t say I tried to see her get out before I removed her.  She may have gotten out with out help.

If your going to get stuck though, might as well be in the toy box right?  :)

Tori could walk if she wanted to.  She can stand now for pretty long periods – more than a minute I’d say.  I keep trying to get her to take one little step but she isn’t quite ready to brave that.

She is clapping for herself – so proud.  :)   I have had two people just this week say she looks MUCH tinier in person than she does on my blog. 

She is in her crib right now for the first time at night EVER.  We’ll see how this goes. 

The Six

November 25, 2008

My favorite six boys in the whole wide world. 

TORI – Last week I was talking on the phone with Grammy.  I was distracted awhile and then realized I hadn’t seen Tori.  I walked around the house and found her in the living room.  She had crawled over to the diaper bag, dragged out her fruit puffs, opened the bottle and poured the puffs all over the rug and was sitting dead center in the middle of them eating to her hearts content.  Little mischief maker. 

TY – Ty was sent to bed early on Saturday night for misbehavior.  Feeling a bit sorry for him, I crawled in bed with him for awhile to just love on him and talk.  He is so funny sometimes.

Ty:  Mommy guess what!?  I have a lot of monies in my piggy bank.

Doni:  Do you?  How much?

Ty:  I have two.

Doni:  Really?  Where did you get two?

Ty:  Out of Tanner’s wallet.  (LOL). 

Tanner didn’t think this was so funny.  Especially considering Ty’s piggy bank is a ceramic Mr. Incredible from Mexico that has to be broke to be opened.  :)

PS.  Happy Birthday Papa!!!!!

Ask

November 24, 2008

(Note:  After you have read this post, I wonder if this picture will strike you as visual of what I posted about – it did me).

Last night when I got home from WOF, Tanner – for the first time in SEVEN years – told me he had missed me.  :)   Tanner, like his daddy, finds it really hard to express how he feels.  Something is changing though.  Recently Jim and I were talking about this and I was describing Tanner’s need for touch.  Jim and I both committed that we need to be very proactive about physical touch with Tanner – because he won’t ask for it but it is becoming more and more obvious that he really wants it (and you know how much I want to give it).

This weekend there were several things said by speakers that kept drawing me back to the topic of living loved.  It’s interesting to me that Ty has such an easy time of living loved.  He goes about his day happy and cheerful and naturally embracing how much he is loved and cherished.  He makes daily demands of my attention and affection.  He tells me what he wants and needs.  “Mommy – I need some cuddle time – go put on your comfy pajammas now.  Mommy tickle my feet, rub my back, tickle my hands….I love you”.

It makes me wonder why Tanner holds back from asking the same questions or making the same demands?  The other night Ty asked me to rub his feet and climbed up beside me.  A few minutes later Tanner appeared and cuddled me on the other side – something that is happening more and more frequently.  He did his little slipping his hand in and out of mine  manuever but didn’t say a word.  After a minute I said “Tanner would you like me to rub your feet too?”.  He shyly shook his head yes.  Last night when I returned from WOF he cuddled up to me on the couch immediately and I began touching, softly tickling, running my fingers through his hair.  He let me do this for about two hours.  I was elated.  While he still didn’t declare his need, he made it known by getting as close to me as he could.

Why are we like Tanner with God instead of like Ty?  What keeps us from saying “Hey God I need some cuddle time” and naturally assuming we will get it?  Is it our guilt?  Well if anyone should feel “guilt” for disobedience in a day – it is my little Ty (LOL) but he doesn’t let guilt stand in his way.  I have a theory on that too.  Ty understands that he can’t out sin my love for him.  Never would even cross his mind.  Due to Ty’s sensory processing disorder, consequence is a hard concept for him.  His brain doesn’t evaluate that far because his primary concentration is fulfilling his sensory need.  This creates a lot of parenting frustration for me (trust me!)…but it does have one positive outcome.  Regardless of the consequence he received in a day – regardless of how much discipline or how many talks we have had – time outs – things taken away – early bed time…he completely seperates his consequences from my affection.  He doesn’t live with guilt or shame.  He doesn’t hide from my affection.  He never assumes that I am angry and if I am - he doesn’t really ”get” that my anger is stemming from his behavior.   He lives loved all the time.  While this ability most likely stems from “disabilities” – the end result is something magnificient.  An incredible gift.  An amazing capacity for love – both in the giving and in the taking.  That is the kind of “disability” I want with a passion.

I don’t think most of us really “get” that concept.  I think we hedge in real close to God and start to ask, and then draw back.  We slip our hand up to reach his, and we pull it back.  Sometimes it might be because the memory of all our offenses slips down around our shoulders and the weight of it drops our outreached arm like a ball and chain attached.  Maybe other times it’s because we think we don’t deserve that love and affection so we make a protective decision “on God’s behalf” – as if we are saving Him from the pain of loving us by our attempts to distance Him.  Other times I think we simply don’t buy it.  Why in the world would He love us?  I mean really?  Would do we possibly have to offer?  Felt any of these things before?  I have.

If you are a parent reading this though…how would you feel if you were in my shoes with my children (and maybe this is your story at home as well)?  If one child could easily embrace your love and live right in the center of it and the other child held back from saying “I need your touch right now”? 

You long for them don’t you?  Aren’t you just on top of the world when those little ones express their need because you were already anxious willing and waiting to fill it?  Now don’t ge me wrong – Tanner has ALWAYS received my affection – but I have always gone to him.  It thrills me to no end that Ty lives so easily in my love.  He wants to be showered with affection and God wired my need to “shower him” into my genetic code.  I was made in His image.  So how is God “wired”?  It’s really rather obvious isn’t it? 

I don’t recall the moment this epiphany hit me over the weekend, but I think that each time Ty comes to me and asks for cuddle time I will remind myself to learn to live loved before my own daddy – just like my son does.  I am also praying for Tanner.  Praying that he will learn how to live securely inside the affection of his daddy and mommy but more importantly – his heavenly daddy.  I don’t want my little boy to miss out on one cuddle that was always there for the taking.  Especially not when his mom…his dad…and the King of the Universe were downright EXCITED to give it to him.

 

Images

November 21, 2008

When you read this – myself and about 20 other women should already be at the Women of Faith conference.  We are expecting to have a great time – be encouraged and inspired - and have a great weekend just being together.  Pray for all our husbands who are home with kids!  My MIL is staying the weekend to help mine. 

Doesn’t Braxtyn have ridiculously beautiful glamour hair for a 2 year old?  I have a picture of the back of it – I’ll have to post that too. 

There is my happy little Karsyn!  Minus the fact that I caught motion blur in hands and 3 of four girls are biting their lower lips – this is a cute one:).

And because I thought it was cute…I couldn’t decide – colored or bw?  :)

Today Tori gave me such a scare.  What she did was typical for a baby but on days like these I am reminded of how much I still am haunted by post traumatic stress.

I was making lunch for the kids and Tori was already in her high chair eating.  Jodi and I were talking on the phone.  I glance over at Tori and I see her with her eyes closed slumped over in her high chair – out.  I panic and rush to her grabbing her hard enough to scare the daylights of her.   She had only been sleeping.  I had not seen a sleeping baby though.  I saw a baby that I believed had been choking and had passed out while I was talking on the phone.  Never mind that I was in the same room the whole time and never heard any choking sounds.  When I could assimilate the facts, I was chagrined to realize that I had over reacted to a very normal situation.  Although, this is not common behavior for Tori.  She doesn’t randomly fall asleep places except her car seat.  She went right back to sleep while sitting there too. Hope she isn’t getting sick.

When will I be past all these images that are in my mind?  Ever?  Some images I don’t want to reflect on for years to come.