So here is a story about these hats (and yes Amanda I did find them at Naartjie ….

I was looking for the sleep caps for pictures and found red ones and was so excited.  UNFORTUNATELY when I MADE Tanner try one on, he “took a fit” hee hee.  He told me QUITE adamently that he was NOT under ANY circumstance going to wear that STUPID hat and NO not EVEN for pictures!!!!!!  I tried to negotiate but it was clear…my seven year old was absolutely putting his foot down.  He did, however, like the red beanie so mom was forced to compromise.  Ty didn’t like it either but I didn’t think a four year old should get to have a choice yet especially considering he was just echoing the opinion of his brother.  At the end of the day, none of the hat pictures turned out anyhow!!! Grrrrr.  I’ll have to try another shoot with those in the future because I DO think they are cute!  I do have a couple of cute ones of Ty in his so you’ll get to see it better later.

I took Tori to the pediatrician today and he said that her nose, throat, ears, and lungs were all FINE.  He suspects she has allergies.    He told me to give her 1/2 tsp of children’s benadryl before bed to see if that will help.  I don’t think her coughing for two hours every night is allergies.  She is choking on phlegm (how do you spell that?).  Ick.  I hope she quits this soon.  Last night Jim got up with her from 2:00 to 4:00 am.  This stinks.

The Dr. did give me a referral to a developmental pediatrician though to get a more thorough diagnosis for Ty.  Sensory Processing Disorder can be BEYOND frustrating and Jim and I are at a point of needing help.  Praying this Dr. will give us good insights and better understanding.

This week I am trying to get through a list of things because next week school starts back up so I want to maximize my opportunties for projects.  (Note to Heidi – you will be well pleased with how I have spent my time.  Package not in the mail yet but it will be by next week I hope – anxious for you to see).  Doesn’t it just seem though that sure as shootin’ when you want to set aside time for projects, little things keep creeping into your day to distract you???  Frustrating. 

Ty Funny – this weekend while I was sick, I was trying my best to get Jim to be Mr. Mom.  My plan was to just look at him with a really sad sick face everytime a mom chore arose.  It took a little coaxing even then.  By the end of day on Sunday the house looked like a nuclear test site.  At about 8:00 PM, Ty comes in and says “MOMMY can you HELP us!  I am HUNGRY!”   LOL.  Daddies are great and all (and our kids have a SUPER great one) but they are NOT mommies!    That is how I knew my sick time was over.

Grandma says this picture should have a caption that reads “Back off or someone is going to get hurt!”  LOL.  Our little daughter has quite the mind of her own these days.  She has taking to laying face down on our wood floor and kicking her feet when something displeases her.  Tanner calls this “taking a fit“.    Tanner and Ty didn’t start “taking fits” until they were about 18 months old so this started really early.  So far, she has only done it when something hurt her (like the coffee table this morning), or when Jim or I put her down when she is in the mood to be held.  It took quite some effort (on Jim’s part) to break Tanner’s fit “taking” and Ty, always the happy one, rarely could munster the anger for a real fit.   I wonder if we are in for it with this little one?

We had a great holiday week but by the end of it, I had come down with the cold flu.  You know the body aching, throat hurting, eyes burning, ear ache, headache, teeth itching (okay my teeth weren’t itching but my dad always asked me if that was one of my symptoms growing up so it seemed to belong in my line up when listing all my many complaints – flu.  I may have to take Tori to the Dr. for this flu.  She got the runny nose and the cough in early November and still has not managed to shake it.  It died down for a couple of weeks and then started up all over when we returned from vacation.  She is keeping me up about 2 hours every night with her coughing.  She doesn’t cough during the day though – inconveniently – only from about 3:00 AM to 5:00 or 6:00 AM.  Last night I gave up and watched a movie with her 3:00 to 5:00.   I am feeling better than I was but now the stress is kicking in.  Our adoption recertification paperwork was due last week (it has to be renewed every year), budget needs done, house needs cleaned, blah blah blah.  I had hoped to get a handle on my new business before the start of the year but that didn’t happen either.  I am anxious for 2009 though.  Ready to get started on my new years resolutionS.  Looking forward to completing the 2nd grade with Tanner and starting Ty in Kindergarten.  This year will be fun experiencing life with a daughter too.  I had to text Heidi when I was Christmas shopping because I had tears streaming down my face when I got to buy Tori her first girl toy – a purse.  I remember when Tanner was a baby, I would get weepy sometimes just to look at all the baby toys scattered across my front room.  MY house had BABY toys!!!!  I am going through that feeling again.  I almost tripped on a DOLL STROLLER in my hallway this week!!!!  Aunt Heidi made her a rag doll for Christmas – oh so so precious!!!!  I am anxious to show you that.  I’ll take a picture of her with it.  She is still eating her dollies so far though I noticed Daddy trying to teach her to share her pacy with her dolly yesterday.  She found that…interesting.   

These pictures were all taken after the official pettiskirt shoot.  She was playing so cute that I just kept right on shooting.  Hope you had a wonderful Christmas week.

This weekend we had a lot of family time and we loved every minute of it.  In total, Jim and I have five Christmases each year.  1.  With our children  2.  With my parents and siblings and nieces and nephews.  3.  With everyone from number 2 and my grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins.  4.  With my FIL and MIL and 5.  With my MILs family

Saturday we had Christmas (1) with our kids.    I had plans on making a nice Christmas dinner for us this year but Jim said he really really wanted Jimmy Dean sausage with sage for dinner so I went the breakfast for dinner route instead.  We had eggs, blueberry pancakes, hashbrown casserole, and sausage.  I made a lemon meringue for dessert and it was so good.  Good lemon meringue recipes are to come by but mom found one I love last year.

Last night we celebrated Christmas 3 leaving 2, 4 and 5 for later this week.    Check out this food list from last night (and this is just off the top of my head):  Roast, Ham, Turkey, Dressing, Mashed Potatoes, Spiced Yams, Green Bean Casserole, Cranberry Relish, Fruit Salad, Romaine Salad, Crescent Rolls, Olives (Black and Green), Deviled Eggs, Cheese Ball and Crackers, Chocolate Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Pecan Pie, McKinnely Pie, Bannana Pudding, Pineapple Cheesecake, Buckeyes, Fudge, Fruit Cake, Baby Ruth Bars, and Grammy ordered Spiced Peaches from Georgia and Dewars Candy from Bakersfield.  Those two things, along with the Peppermint Bark (I LOVE Peppermint Bark) – were the only three store bought items on the menu – everything else was home made.  My family knows how to have a party LOL.    Am I forgetting stuff?

Uncle Dale and Aunt Karen came in from Apple Valley, CA for Christmas and Aunt Karen said she was very surprised when she saw Tori because Tori looks so much tinier in person than she does on my blog.  I keep hearing this from people and am making a point to note it because someday when I look at the pictures I want to remember that they were not representative of her diminuitive size.

As I sat there just enjoying my family last night, I was overwhelmed with how much love I have for each one of them.   We are not perfect people.  We have had struggles just like every other family.  But we love one another well.  In adversity, in triumph, and well…in stupidity too hee hee (we all have stupid moments don’t we?)  See note at end of this about the word “stupid” :).  Every member is priceless and precious.   We have been so lucky too because God keeps gifting our family with more and more treasures both in babies and in marriage.  This was Rob and Cat’s second married Christmas and Cat is an absolute gift.  I adore her and so do all of our children.  She is such a kid magnet.  Next year, we get Michelle for keeps and we are anxious for that as well.  Michelle is such a great match for Dusty.   She is the wind beneath his wings quite literally – she is like a little hurricane all by herself.  Cracks me up.  If you want a job done, just get Michelle on it.      Michelle and I speak the same language so I get quite a kick out of her. 

The kids have so much fun that they all start crying when they have to leave the party.  Promises are made that they will soon be reunited later in the week but to no avail – they just keep on cryin’.    We are having two slumber parties this year.  One at Sweetie’s and one at Grandma’s so that will keep the kids happy.  I like to stay the night at my mom’s on the eve to the eve because we have a traditional german dinner on Christmas Eve and those krautnettle balls take forever to roll so it is a family project that morning.  Last year, Sweetie got sick so Michelle and Jodi and I rolled them.  Good times…good times. 

I know I am going on about details no one but me cares about so I’ll end this now.  Going to eat left over’s at Aunt Beck’s today.  Life is good. 

Note:  Jodi and I have a little dispute going on over a conversation we both had with Karsyn over the word stupid.  I think Jodi is much more at fault for the final outcome than I.  I’ll let you judge.

A while back, Jodi and the kids were over.  Jodi was talking to me about something and as she left the room she used the word stupid.  Karsyn then looked at me and said “I can’t say that word until I am older“.  (ROFL!)

Oh really?  So I then say, “Well I say stupid but we use that word about things not about people.”  (Okay “usually” just about things but I didn’t need to give Karsyn that much detail right?

Recently Karsyn blended both her mama’s words and mine into a final conclusion.  She is now telling people:

“I can call PEOPLE stupid when I am older“.  Hee hee.  I think this is entirely Jodi’s fault.  I think I was pretty clear about what I said. 

How difficult could it really be to get a “good” picture of a 7, 4, and 10 month old?  I mean really!  I would tell you that I am posting only out-takes today but out-takes are pretty much all I got.  The photographer in me is disgruntled but the mama is delighted.    On early glances, I was sighing and complaining, and ranting, calling kids in to ask them if “THIS” looked like their real smiles (and they found these highly amusing to by the way)  After the third attempt at dealing with their shanninigans I gave up. 

At 10:30 PM I am smiling in spite of my day.  I will laugh for years over these pictures and remember well how impossible it seemed to get this trio to cooperate.  Liza warned me that shooting your own kids (and I mean that as a photographer hee hee), is more difficult.  I wanted to hang my hat on this business this week if this photo shoot were indication of my ability to capture three young children.  On the other hand, maybe we should chalk this up as a wild success.  I did capture my monkeys exactly as they appear in the wild of our front room - I just couldn’t keep them in the barrel.  (Note to Liza:  I tried tried containment and other suggestions you made but Tori was having NONE of it – not any of it.  Grrrrr.  If I would have perched Tori atop a desk like you did Eli, we would have been in the ER with Tanner claiming all the while that there was just nothing he could do about it LOL).

The picture above is my favorite out take.  Tanner – giving me his angelic smile.  At 7, he has been doing this “professionally” for quite some time.  Ty is giving me the “is this it?  I forgot my smile again” look.  Tori just wants out of there.  Pretty good capture of a moment in time.

If you look close, you will notice that the “gidget” (girl midget hee hee) is getting away.  (I LOVE that movie).

I was trying what I hoped would be a more creative composition but Tori kept leaving the set.  I finally told Tanner to hold her arms.  You can see what she thought of that idea.  Tanner laughs when he is nervous and he knew he was fighting a losing battle.  Don’t mess with a gidget who is determination personified.  Just ask Dusty how well that works hee hee (props to ya Michelle).

We have a biter on our hands.  Truth be told, I have never actually seen this expression on her face but I believe that is only because she typically sports it right before moving in for the kill.  She about drew blood on my arm this week.  As you can see, she now means business and someone is about to get attacked with her only means of defense left – her six teeth.  And how lucky that I captured a shot displaying the entire top row.  Few have actually seen all of them though some have felt them and I wouldn’t recommend that.

I would call this the Monsters Inc picture but she is not playing the role of Boo this time:)

So I gotta know…what’s your vote?  

***Trying more tomorrow…wish me luck.

**************************

All went well at Tori’s cardiologist appointment today.  Her murmur is gone.  Her Dr. wants to do an ECHO in a year to confirm for certain that the hole in her heart is closed but he told us we have nothing to worry about right now.  She weighed 16 pounds 9 ounces and was 27.75 inches long (10 months).

I hate being at Phoenix Children’s Hospital.  Before Ty was ever born, I didn’t even like to look at the colorful building while driving down the freeway.  It represented too much sadness.  Post Ty, that feeling has intensified dramatically.  Between Ty and Tori, it feels we have seen every kind of specialist there – cardiologist, pulminologist, neuroligist, gastrointernologist, orthopedic, opthamologist.  They did have free valet parking there now which was nice especially considering my excursion is a high profile vehicle that won’t fit in their garage.

While mom and I were waiting to be picked up, the inevitable happened.  We were standing next to a family, that, by appearances, had just received news they were hoping not to hear.  If I were to guess, it seemed those in attendance were mom and dad and then one set of grandparents with newborn baby.  The grandfather said “(Sigh)..Well it wasn’t the great news we were hoping for but it’s not all bad.”  The mom then turns her head into her husbands shoulder and silent tears start pouring.  It was all I could do to keep from joining the hug and I didn’t even know what they were crying about.  I didn’t even want to guess.  When I got in the car, both Mom and I were silent.  When our eyes met, we were unsurprised to see that we both were about to lose it.  Mom said “We have been there”.  Mentally I starting reviewing the times that I heard “the worst” from a Dr.  “INFERTILITY” – “The baby may not make it” – “You have miscarried” – “Your baby has brain hemorrages” – “Your baby will probably have CP” – “Ty has PVL”.  So many statements that I didn’t want to hear flooded through my mind.

After I dropped off mom, a song came up on the CD that I had burned for our trip.  It’s an oldie but one that I always loved.  I have the Susan Ashton version but it was originally (I think) recorded by Sheryl Crow.  (You can hear it on You Tube if you want).

Hundreds of Tears – Sheryl Crow

I stood in the warmth of night
Chilled to the bone
Hundreds of faces in sight
Still I’m alone
Door after door
Room after empty room
I’ve stood here before
But under a different moon
In the longest days, in the darkest night
Down the longest road, there’s a presence
of light
But I hear a voice that calls me
It’s love’s name I’ll call in the end
I’ve walked in and out of the fire
Between truth and lies
Now how many children watch
While one child cries
Tear down these walls
And watch while our souls are freed
I’ve thrown away pride
To drown in this endless sea
Hundreds of tears on the water
Mercy come rain down on me

Seemed an appropriate song after visiting PCH.  Those last two lines repeat over and over and I found myself not singing them but praying them.  Not for me today though – for another woman I love with all my heart.  She got heartbreaking news yesterday and the Lord and I needed to have a good long chat about it because there were elements involved that made no sense at all.  She and I had a talk on Sunday…a hope talk.  I told her about a dream I had and we both wanted it to be true.  To have it all crash down in 24 hours left me asking a lot of questions.  They all started with “Why did you….???”  I hate it when I subtely (and not so subtley) accuse God of stuff.  He often does things in such a way that make little to no sense to my way of thinking and instead of keeping my mouth shut and embracing “God is good all the time”, I immediately start in telling Him how unhappy I am with the choice He made.  Sigh….  When ever will I learn?  Is He “big” enough for it?  Yes but that isn’t the point.  Questioning the one who loves me moves me out of a “living loved” place.  The real accusation is “God you are not being loving”.  Is He or isn’t He?  As mom said in the car…”sometimes you just have to trust His heart when you can’t trace His hand”.  

God is good or He isn’t God.  It can’t be any other way.  If you can’t trust what He says about himself than He isn’t who He says.  Simple really.  God is God.  God is good.  I am not God and not good either.  I have no idea what He is really doing because I see through the glass dimly.  How dare I then make judgements?  He embraces me still. 

Pray for my loved one.  I know I am being beyond sketchy but it isn’t my story to tell.  I have been where she is at though and “hundreds of tears” sums it up pretty good.  Pray that mercy rains down on her – it is love’s name that she’ll call in the end – she knows “Him” personally.  He already started runnin’.